Tribe: (noun) a social division in a traditional society consisting of families or communities linked by social, economic, religious, or blood ties, with a common culture and dialect.
Hello, tribe. Thanks for reading. I'm writing in this new private sphere where most people I know (and don't know) are not reading this. I need an outlet that isn't polished, isn't (totally) public and can honestly discuss this new normal- a recovery zone.
Two months ago, I made an appointment with my favorite PA because I started to suspect that I have postpartum depression. The biggest signs for me were constantly being irritated about something, feeling really mad when G. would start whining, having severe anxiety about too many things/ paralyzed at the thought of taking care of my children alone, and a general loss of interest in everything.
Honestly, it was scaring me. I started raising my voice to G., which is something I never do. Husband and I agreed to have a non-yelling household. I could feel my blood pressure rising; my temper rising; my brain stressing out; my whole body tensing - all in response to whining?? I didn't like it. I called the OB, asked for the nurse and as I talked, vulnerable on the line, the tears started welling.
Yes, this is real. Yes, I need help. I want to be okay. I don't want to be so up and down.
Swallow. So humbling asking for help. So humbling telling the nurse I think I have PPD.
And now, I want to write an e-book. Not about PPD, but it's part of the story. More, I need a space where I can write without everyone knowing about it, but still being able to share stories without a million Microsoft Office shares.
So here goes. Let's dig deep.
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